Smiling Through Adversity

A thick silence has fallen on this space for quite some time, but I can assure you that things have most certainly not been quiet in the hallways of my heart. Many of these thoughts have been winding there way through my mind for well over a year. :-)

Like a shadow that follows you in the bright sun light, everywhere I go there is a question that pursues me. I hear it in the curious whispers of children to their parents. I see it in the fixed eyes of strangers as I pass them by. “What happened to you?” They all ache to say, as they see me walking with an uneven gate; my hands holding tightly to two canes in order to steady myself.

I can tell by their eyes that for many their curiosity is accompanied by feelings of concern or pity. There are those who are strongly uncomfortable and strive to keep their distance from me. Some ponder the question inwardly while others make their thoughts more boldly known through an offhanded comment, or an occasional straightforward question.

I acknowledge as I look around, my senses having been fine tuned to the whispers and stares that are so much a part of my walk through this world. Politely, I strive to meet each wondering gaze and remark with a smile, never thinking twice before kindly embrace a question. I want to assure each person that I understand their curiosity and I am by no means offended by their response.

But I must confess, there are times when I wish that I could blend in and not be so plainly noticed. That was certainly the case not too long ago as I was approaching the checkout counter in a department store. I was standing in line when suddenly I was met with a surprising, assuming comment from the cashier. I smiled and gave him a kind, informatively reply, but inside I was shrinking. I wanted to sigh and hang my head low- to somehow just disappear. I'm thankful that God in His abundant mercy and grace did not allow me to so readily escape my discomfort. Instead He pursued me through it reminding me of the truth.

As I made my way across the parking lot, eager to leave this situation behind, this young man's remarks lingered in my mind, and I heard that still small voice whisper to my heart, “You are mine. I have set you apart to be different to stand out for my sake. 'You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden; nor does anyone light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on the lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven.' ” Matthew 5:14-16

Deep within I know what He says to be true. With my hand held tightly in His grasp, our hearts aligned once again I press on- seeing more clearly than ever what a privilege it is to bear His light through this life wrapped in the gift of physical limitations. As I ponder that familiar question more deeply I wonder, am I living each day to reflect Christ in such a way that I make people want to stop in their tracks and consider 'What happened to you?'

How about you?

This song speaks clearly to the desire of my heart.